Who ends up in a sorrowful situation, will only feel and experience
grief. For some reason we deceived each other into thinking that grief
should always be ‘rectified’. Fixed. As soon as possible.
We deceived each other into thinking that the grieving person should
be excessively bombarded with positive insights to put their pain
into perspective. Insights like ‘the deepest grief offers the
most valuable life lessons’.
Believe me, someone in deep pain does NOT want to hear anything about
any life lesson. When grieving, you don’t want to hear about
the positive side of the grief medal. And you don’t want to
anything into perspective.
You see, instinctively we all do the healthy thing: we work through
the grief. And if we manage not the get side-tracked by all well indented
attempts to cheer us up, we can experience that process.
After experiencing the grief and the pain, there will come a moment
when you realize that the sharpest pain is disappearing. You find
yourself feeling glad about something. Suddenly being aware of the
pleasant tingling when the sun plays on your face. The realization
that your life isn’t over.
And then, and just then, life lessons and insights can work their
magic. That’s the phase you – slowly but surely –
can let go of the grief and start looking for that valuable life lesson
that’s attached to it.
One of the many things we all have in common is the transformation
into another shape, what we call ‘dying’. Most people
don’t like to think about death. Much to my regret, I might
add. This whole transformation is created to keep us sharp. On the
In the knowledge that we have an average of 30.000 days to our disposal,
should be a great motive to handle every moment with conscious care.
But often we need the transformation of a loved one to really realize
that. To realize that those 30.000 days is an average, not a self-evident
fact. Every day could be your last day in this particular shape.
Does that idea intimidates you? Terrifies you? Ask yourself why. Find
out what it is what you’re afraid of. Would you leave any loose
ends? Is there something you wanted of needed to do? Something on
your mind, you wanted to say? Stop postponing it. Stop putting thing
off right now! Don’t waste a moment. Live now!