GRIEF

Who ends up in a sorrowful situation, will only feel and experience grief. For some reason we deceived each other into thinking that grief should always be ‘rectified’. Fixed. As soon as possible. We deceived each other into thinking that the grieving person should be excessively bombarded with positive insights to put their pain into perspective. Insights like ‘the deepest grief offers the most valuable life lessons’.

Believe me, someone in deep pain does NOT want to hear anything about any life lesson. When grieving, you don’t want to hear about the positive side of the grief medal. And you don’t want to anything into perspective.
You see, instinctively we all do the healthy thing: we work through the grief. And if we manage not the get side-tracked by all well indented attempts to cheer us up, we can experience that process.

After experiencing the grief and the pain, there will come a moment when you realize that the sharpest pain is disappearing. You find yourself feeling glad about something. Suddenly being aware of the pleasant tingling when the sun plays on your face. The realization that your life isn’t over.

And then, and just then, life lessons and insights can work their magic. That’s the phase you – slowly but surely – can let go of the grief and start looking for that valuable life lesson that’s attached to it.

One of the many things we all have in common is the transformation into another shape, what we call ‘dying’. Most people don’t like to think about death. Much to my regret, I might add. This whole transformation is created to keep us sharp. On the edge.
In the knowledge that we have an average of 30.000 days to our disposal, should be a great motive to handle every moment with conscious care. But often we need the transformation of a loved one to really realize that. To realize that those 30.000 days is an average, not a self-evident fact. Every day could be your last day in this particular shape.

Does that idea intimidates you? Terrifies you? Ask yourself why. Find out what it is what you’re afraid of. Would you leave any loose ends? Is there something you wanted of needed to do? Something on your mind, you wanted to say? Stop postponing it. Stop putting thing off right now! Don’t waste a moment. Live now!

Building on,
SYL